Want to write a memorable, masterful, departure email?
No, couldn’t give a f*ck?
Okay, that’s fair, I get ya. You want to get out of this maddening enclave for mild Asperger’s as soon as possible. Plus, what did these people ever do for you? But it’s 5 PM on a Friday and the poor schmucks are waiting around for the last word on whether they’ll have to work over the weekend. Meanwhile you’re trying to stop yourself from whistling with pleasure as you force feed your old files to an industrial-sized paper shredder. Don’t you think the poor schmucks deserve something more than a crappy template?
If you’re feeling charitably inclined towards your soon-to-be ex-colleagues as you sit down to draft your departure email, take a look at how the pros do it.
Dan Neil won the 2004 Pulitzer Prize for Criticism for his writing about cars. Earlier this year he left The Los Angeles Times for The Wall Street Journal and wrote the following departure email, which was then posted online. I will identify 6 techniques in Dan Neil’s email that can be incorporated into any departure letter and compare and contrast his execution of those techniques with that of a law firm partner. In other words, let’s take a look and see what you can copy.
From: Neil, Dan
Sent: Thursday, February 11, 2010 2:54 PM
Subject: Dan Neil on the bounce
Friends, colleagues, brothers and sisters,
To My Partners, Colleagues and Friends,
You can see just what he was thinking. The readers at the forefront of his mind, the people that he was primarily writing to, were the other partners. So that came first on the list. Then he thought about the more junior lawyers at the firm, and imagined them reading his words with admiration and wonder, so he wrote “colleagues” next. Finally, he realized that he wanted to send his email to everyone in the office, not just the lawyers, but what… what are those non-lawyer people called? The ones that know where to get more of those pens with the padded, the padded barrels and who can, as if by magic, convert two-dimensional pieces of cardboard into magnificent document holding structures? After some thought, he shrugs and decides on “friends.”
That’s not bad. But a Pulitzer winner goes one step further and thinks about the effect of his words on his readers. Starting out with “Friends” as Dan Neil does is classy –it is all inclusive. No one reads it and thinks, “Oh that is not me, I guess I’m somewhere further down the list.” Instead, everyone from management to mailroom reads it and finds that it feels nice to be addressed as a friend.
2. THE MORALE BOOST
Our Pulitzer winner begins his Last Day Email with a strong defense of the LA Times:
In the past week or so people have come up to me and said words to the effect: “The Journal, huh? Sinking ship and all that?” And I just want to slam their heads in a car door.
I absolutely love this newspaper and I am immensely proud of my association with it. People who talk shit about the LA Times to me are going to find me in their grille in a major way.
This morale boost isn’t too touchy-feely because the writer employs curse words, puns relating to his automotive writing, and violent imagery. The effect is that he makes you, the reader, feel good for being you. He’s saying, “I’m leaving you, but you f*cking rule.” You can do this too, but drop the automotive puns or it will look like you have anger issues. Perhaps something like this would work for a law firm:
In the past week or so people have come up to me and said words to the effect: “XXXX LLP, huh? Sinking ship and all that?” And I just want to paper cut them with thick manila file folders on that soft webbed part between their fingers.
Do you know what everyone loves? A story. And what’s more humbling and dramatic than a story of redemption by the workplace?
Maybe you don’t know this story. In November 2002 I had just come through an awful divorce (we pronounce that DEE-vorce in North Carolina). I was sitting heartbroken and alone in a villa in the south of France, on some godforsaken travel assignment, contemplating the taste of gunpowder. Nobody knew where I was. The phone rang. It was former editor John Carroll, who had somehow tracked me down. He wanted me to come to Los Angeles and be the paper’s car critic.
Well, I said to him, as it happens my schedule has just opened up.
It was the beginning of the most wonderful professional experience of my life, the most fun, the most satisfying, the most intellectually challenging. This placed saved me. It made me.
As Dan Neil’s email demonstrates, the formula for the Personal Story for a departure email is:
- Reveal that you were not always the man/woman you are pretending to be now.
- Describe an intervention by your company.
- State that the intervention made you the resplendid creature you are today.
Let’s go back to that law firm partner email we were looking at earlier:
When XXXX and XXXX called me to invite a conversation in late 19XX, I was thankful for the opportunity, as I was at a low point in my career, and they ‘vouched” for me (notwithstanding my sordid college history with XXXX and my days as an associate with XXXX). But for their friendship and confidence, I would not have had the chance to join this fine firm and become a part of the XXXX family. Literally speaking, they picked me up out of a most difficult situation, and I vowed to pay them back by proving myself to them and to XXXX. I hope I have.
Ok, so it’s not as eloquent as Dan Neil’s and it leaves me with homoerotic images of a bunch of male lawyers who had a “sordid college history” together “literally” picking each other up from “a most difficult situation.” But it totally makes me sit-up and pay attention.
Dan Neil was an outspoken critic of Sam Zell when he purchased the LA Times in 2007, and he unabashedly expresses his sentiments in his departure email:
It’s been a rough few years here, mainly because of the jackasses in Chicago who own us. To them I say, with as much gusto as I can muster in an email, fuck you.
You too, can use the Common Enemy technique.
Dan Neil’s Happy Ending takes the form of a one-two punch:
On a happier note, there’s not a person in this building I do not like, if not love. The paper has more greatness ahead of it, and I’ll be watching from the east coast and rooting you on.
If you are able and inclined, there’s a beer call at Redwood tomorrow, around 5 pm. Hope to see you there.
One statement about the company’s rosy future and another statement about beer. Keep it simple and never forget the beer. Let’s see how our law firm partner did with his happy ending:
For those with whom I worked most closely, my congratulations, for this surely is emancipation day – no more 4 AM emails or urgent weekend messages.
No more 4 AM emails or urgent weekend messages would be pretty great, of course. But here is one instance where remaining vague actually rings less hollow than being specific. Dan Neil wrote that the LA Times “has more greatness ahead of it.” No one at the LA Times is going to be sorely disappointed in 12 hours when they wake up on Saturday morning, rub their eyes, and realize that greatness has not yet come. But those poor lawyers who worked closely with the departing law partner will totally continue to receive 4 AM emails and urgent weekend messages, just from a different master. This is when you should be like a good lawyer or a bad boyfriend, and keep your promises vague and fuzzy.
This is how a Pulitzer winner signs off his departure email:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A special Valentine’s Day story about love and loss, set in New York City.FILED UNDER: The Lost Mitten: A Story of Love and Loss | Permalink
A couple of years ago, I quit my job at a large law firm in midtown Manhattan in order to attend a conservatory of theatre arts full-time. I showed up for my first ballet class with a leotard that was extremely high-cut and bright red underwear that was extremely not –let’s just say that I looked more like a baboon than a ballerina. I remember sticking my head out of the sweaty dance studio during that embarrassing first class and seeing the bustling high-rises across town where I used to have my own office and administrative assistant… an entirely different life!
Financially-speaking, breaking free of the “golden handcuffs” also had its own set of ramifications — some fun, others, less so. But I am happy to report that although “less money, less problems” isn’t exactly the corollary of “‘mo money, ‘mo problems,” I have been able to make do with less in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Predictably, I stopped taking cabs and bought a monthly subway pass, I learned to cook and ate out less, I drank more beer and less martinis, I said good-bye to my nail salon and hello to Sally Hansen. As someone who loves clothes, and living in a city like New York where there is a constant barrage of women wearing the latest designs, I realized that I had to figure out some innovative ways to keep my wardrobe budget in line without giving up on my style horse hobby.
1. Heighten your standards.
It may sound counterintuitive, but when I was making
more any money, I had lower standards for purchasing clothes and accessories. If I looked good in two out of three angled mirrors in the changing room, I’d probably buy it. If the arch of the shoes didn’t perfectly follow my natural arch, but was otherwise what I had been searching for, I’d get it. As a result, I ended up with a lot of mediocre pieces in my closet, and a never completely satisfied shopping list. Now, I am much more firm about my “standards to buy”, and I’ve finally accepted that scouting for the perfect black leather handbag can take a very long time. I regularly reject items for not fitting perfectly, for having an unruly fabric, for not having all the features that I was looking for. This has cut down on a lot of unnecessary purchases.
2. Reduce your online shopping.
Visiting sites such as Gilt, Yoox, Rue La La, and the myriad shoe sites out there were a daily indulgence for me, and I didn’t really scrutinize my purchases because I often felt the adrenaline of these “flash sale” sites where, if you hesitate on an item for even an extra second, it will get sold out from under you. In order to resist the temptation of online shopping, I removed myself from daily email lists from these sites, and when possible, subscribed to their weekly mailings. This way, I naturally forgot about checking on these sites, and now might go on them on a monthly, instead of daily, basis. Online shopping is fun and you can often score really amazing deals –but at my current budget, it is too expensive to maintain as a habit. On the rare occasions when I do make an online purchase, it is a much more deliberate process.
3. Recognize quality over labels.
After ditching the online shopping habit, I reacquainted myself with brick and mortar stores such as Uniqlo and H&M. Some might argue that these stores skew a little younger, but there’s such high turnover, and so many different pieces, that I have not been reduced to dressing like a teenager. I have also been able to find great summer tops at Target and well-made underwear at Marshall’s and Century 21. The main cost here is probably time, and you do kind of feel like you’re helping a hoarder sort her clutter, looking for hidden treasure. In terms of quality, although I don’t quite understand the economics of it, I have been able to find a lot of durable, well-fitting, well-made pieces at H&M that are on par with, or even better than the fancier labels I was courting as a lawyer.
4. Transcend trends.
I used to be a sucker for trends. Studs? I’ll try ‘em. Platforms? Give me five pair! But being on a student budget, I no longer respond to every craving for the latest garb. Just like how you’re suppose to wait twenty minutes before you can tell if you’re full or not, I make myself sit back and evaluate whether I even like this trend or not.
If I like really like a new trend, I try to see if I have anything that I can do to follow it. For example, last fall all the stores and fashionable people were beginning to wear those 1990s Elaine-ish peg leg pants –wide on top, cinched by the ankle. I saw them at Zara and really wanted to get a pair, but then I realized that I could easily convert my existing pants to give them this “new” silhouette. If I can’t DIY a trend, I tell myself to wait a few months. If I still like the trend at that time, then maybe I’ll buy it.
Even if you decide to buy something on trend, there is no reason you need to buy it from the most expensive store carrying that trend! For instance, I really liked the loose satin tank tops that I saw girls wearing in the city. Instead of buying them at JCrew or Club Monaco, I found them at Target for under $20 each. With trial and error, I’ve learned that there are certain things that you can spend less on and still look great, such as jeans, t-shirts, willowy drapey tops, shorts, and summer dresses.
This article was first published on Corporette.FILED UNDER: 6 Shopping Tips to Look Good for Less, Style & Beauty | Permalink
I love my mom’s cooking, and sometimes I will lie awake at night driving myself crazy reminiscing about some of her dishes. It’s not about how talented of a chef my mom is –she is pretty great– rather, it’s about how some people have the ability to impart their own signature touch on everything they make, so that everything they cook tastes distinctly like they made it. It won’t do just to follow their recipes because no one can replicate the original chef’s signature imprint.
Or maybe I’m just lazy.
In any case, this was one of the meals my mom made on my recent visit home:
Let’s break it down!
Pork Belly 2 Ways:
I was brought up eating a traditional diet in which we ate as much of the animal as possible, not just the white meat. All over the world, you will find cultures that eat animal organs, skins, cartilage, and so forth. But for some reason it’s considered “gross” or, incredulously, unhealthy, to like those things nowadays and the most “risqué” a mainstream restaurant will get is chopped liver. But boy do I miss all those strange, unpopular animal parts, including the collagen rich pig skin you see above. The sliced pork belly was steamed in a soy-based sauce, and the chunkier pieces of pork belly were braised in a similar stew.
Cucumber and Egg Stir-Fry with Black Fungus:
Dang, no wonder I wasn’t popular in
grade school life. When the teacher asked everyone what their favorite foods were, how could I raise my hand and say “Black Fungus” while everyone around me was all pizzas and hamburgers and shit? Anyway, this is delicious. I have no idea how to cook or even find black fungus. I once got something that I thought was black fungus, but… it wasn’t. Despite being very tough and hard to chew, it wasn’t until after I had grimly ingested all of it did the thought occur to me that maybe IT WASN’T EVEN FOOD.
Eggplant in Fish Sauce:
I love eggplant. It’s like a meat to me.
Silken Tofu Casserole:
When I was a toddler, grown-ups would touch my face and exclaim: “Your face is as soft as silken tofu!” As a result, silken tofu dishes tend to have a cannibalistic quality for me. Here, with shrimp, lima beans, and bamboo shoots, it’s a great, light-tasting contrast to the richer dishes like the eggplant and pork belly.
Nice and crunchy little albino broccoli.
My parents always have a novel and exotic fruit at home. Like an evil twin locked away in the attic, they always keep the exotic fruit tucked away in a corner of the basement, away from the prying eyes of curious neighbors. This time it was the dragonfruit. It always makes me feel dainty and ladylike when I end a meal with sliced fruit.
And there you have it, a meal worth taking six modes* of transportation to get to!
*The six modes being: subway, train, air train, airplane, ferry, and automobile.
FILED UNDER: A Meal Worth Flying For, Food & Drink | Permalink
A couple of years ago, the frozen yogurt world was rocked by scandal. Pinkberry was sued in a class-action for falsely describing its product as a frozen yogurt and for falsely calling itself “all natural.” The company settled, changed its ways, and put up its ingredient list for the public to see. But ever since then, I’ve always been a little wary of Pinkberry and wondered if maybe I should switch to another provider for my froyo addiction.
The obvious replacement for Pinkberry is Red Mango. Indeed, their rivalry spans across the country, from LA to NYC. I decided to take a look at the ingredient lists for each company’s original flavored frozen yogurt to see which one is the healthier choice. Here are my findings.
Nonfat milk, sugar, nonfat yogurt (pasteurized nonfat milk, live and active cultures), nonfat yogurt powder (nonfat milk, culture), fructose, dextrose, natural flavors, citric acid, guar gum. (Ed. Click on the link above to see slight variation for Pinkberry sold in California and Connecticut.)
Nonfat Yogurt (Skim Milk, Natural Flavor, Guar Gum, Live & Active Cultures), Filtered Water, Pure Cane Sugar, and less than 1% of Sodium Citrate and Potassium Citrate (natural buffering agents).
Compare and Contrast
- Dairy. The only dairy ingredient in Red Mango is frozen yogurt, but Pinkberry also has nonfat milk and nonfat “yogurt powder” in addition to plain ol’ frozen yogurt. Another difference is that Pinkberry says that its milk (but not its yogurt or yogurt powder) is made from hormone-free milk. Did you know that the U.S. and Brazil are the only countries that allow dairy farmers to use synthetic growth hormones? On the other hand, the FDA ruled in 1993 that there is no significant different between milk with and without synthetic growth hormone. But on the other, other hand, the Sixth Circuit overruled the FDA in 2010 by concluding that there were significant differences between the two, including more um, pus, in milk with synthetic hormones. Anyway, let’s talk about something else…
- Sweeteners. The sweetening agent in Red Mango is cane sugar (sucrose), but the sweetening agents in Pinkberry are sugar, fructose and dextrose (a/k/a glucose). Recent studies suggest that fructose encourages fat storage more than sucrose does and might cause diabetes (here’s one). Even more significantly, sugar is the second ingredient in Pinkberry, placing it ahead of all ingredients except milk —that means there is more sugar in Pinkberry than there is frozen yogurt! In contrast, sugar is one of the last ingredients in Red Mango, after frozen yogurt and water.
- “Citr”-stuff. Pinkberry has citric acid, which adds a tart flavor and acts as a natural preservative. Sodium citrate and potassium citrate control the acidity of Red Mango’s frozen yogurt. All three substances are considered safe, non-controversial food additives.
- Flavor. Red Mango relies on its yogurt for flavor, and does not add any flavoring agents. But Pinkberry has “natural flavors” which, under the U.S. Code of Federal Regulations, can be pretty much anything (“the essential oil, oleoresin, essence or extractive, protein hydrolysate, distillate, or any product of roasting, heating or enzymolysis”) that has the flavor of, pretty much, anything (“spice, fruit or fruit juice, vegetable or vegetable juice, edible yeast, herb, bark, bud, root, leaf or any other edible portions of a plant, meat, seafood, poultry, eggs, dairy products, or fermentation products thereof”). The Centre for Science in the Public Interest’s guide to food additives classifies natural flavors with a yellow caution label, meaning that some natural flavors may pose a risk and require further testing.
The Healthier Choice
A really, really, really, close call.
After weighing the pros and cons of each product, I dug deep into my foodie soul and realized that the winning product must be one that “Is what it says it is.” There is something disingenuous and even potentially dangerous about a product that is artificially made to walk like a duck, quack like a duck, and legally qualify as a duck –but in reality is barely a duck. Pinkberry might look and taste similar to frozen yogurt, but its main ingredients are milk and sugar, it uses food additives for flavor, and it contains weird ingredients like yogurt powder. On the other hand, Red Mango’s main ingredients are frozen yogurt and water and has no taste additives. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that Pinkberry uses synthetic growth hormone-free milk, and I wish Red Mango would release a statement on what kind of milk it uses (60% of milk in the USA is hormone-free whether labeled or not), but on the whole it is clear to me that the superior product is:
Red Mango!!!FILED UNDER: Food & Drink, Nutrition Showdown: Pinkberry vs. Red Mango | Permalink
1. Buy a bunch of single beers –at the local bodega, I found Tsingtao, Corona, Red Stripe, Bass, Stella Artois, Negra Modelo, Singha, Boddingtons, Dos Equis. Put them in the biggest pot you have. Fill with water and ice.
2. Put it on the floor.
3. Don’t forget that you need something to cleanse your palate between the different beers. I used a pizza.
4. Set-up a laptop nearby and make a chart (I hope you label it better than I did) and start drinking. Record your results. Here are mine:
5. Announce the winner.
THE WINNER IS NEGRA MODELO!!!Food & Drink, Ultimate Beer Taste Test | Permalink
2000-2004 Bootcut Jeans
Around 2000, bootcut and slightly flared jeans became super popular because the wideness at the bottom of the pant leg created a nice hourglass figure, balancing out the hips. It flattered both women who already had curves, and those who were trying to get some.
2003 Enter the Ugg
In December 2003, NPR reported that the “must-have accessory” of the season was “a pair of Uggs… cloddish sheepskin boots from Australia first popular with surfers in the 1970s. Now all of Hollywood seems to be wearing them. And it’s not just a Southern California trend, either. Retailers are selling out as far away as Toronto.” NPR further suggests that Uggs, with their “flat soles and … shapeless, retro look” were a rebellious response to the pointy stilettos that were so popular in the early 2000s. Indeed. The appeal of any major fashion trend is that it is the anti-thesis of the prior trend. Fashion is Freudian.
Now, look at the picture of the Uggs above. Do you see how wide the calf section is? Do you think it’s possible to wear your jeans over those boots? Hell no. You have to tuck your jeans into them. And instead of relying on your bootcut jeans to create a curve, you use the width of the Ugg boot’s shaft to create the same bootcut jean’d effect, balancing out the hips and accentuating bodily concavities.
But, is it comfortable and fun to roll up that giant wad of thick jean fabric by your ankle and stuff it in a boot? Not on your life, missy. In fact, the term “bootcut” refers to the fact that the calfs of the jeans are wide enough to fit over, not under, a boot shank (sure that’s a word).
2004-Present Death of the Bootcut by Way of Skinny Jeans and Leggings
It follows then that the rise of Uggs and Ugg-like boots makes the bootcut jean redundant, and skinny jeans and leggings become a more practical option for those who like to stick their pants into their Uggs.
2005-Present Das Boot Era
Immediately following this development, beginning on the East Coast and spreading westward across the United States, the Ugg backlash comes on fast and furious, and soon on-trend women everywhere are opting for more sophisticated, less oppressively warm, everyday boots.
And so began the world’s love affair with boots in general, beyond the world of Uggs. Boots that, as of today, we are still tucking our jeans into, which is rather awkward now that flared (but not bootcut) jeans are tentatively making their way back into the closets of fashion’s vanguard –for fashion trendology is both a series of reactions against prior trends and yet, mindlessly repetitive.
Of course, within the Das Boot Era, there have been shifts from one favored style of boot to another, which I will outline for you below:
2005-2007 Boots that go up to below the knee with pointed toes and stiletto heels.
2007-2008 Ankle boots
2009 Over the knee boots.
Never could catch on because fake leather looks so bad and real leather is so expensive the price points were too high for shoppers of the New Economy to embrace.
2009-2010 Booties (a most disdainful term) which go below the ankle, but otherwise still resemble a boot.
2010 Open toe boots.
Let us shed no more tears on this woeful blip in boot history.
2011-present Practical Boots
Death to the incredible platforms of the earlier Boot Era. Death to the stiletto heels of 2005. Death to height! Now it is all about sensible stacked heels no more than 1.5″ in height and, for decoration, a couple of straps and buckles to adorn the calf area uselessly.
And so, Das Boot Era marches onward boldly into 2012!
Will its reign over Footlandia ever end? My guess is yes, and moreover I would wager that its assassin will be none other than what first gave birth to it… the bootcut and flare styles of jeans. Namely, as bootcut and flared jeans make a return into the mainstream fashion circuit, it will become impractical to wear bulky boots underneath these pants, so people will return to shaftless footwear, AKA shoes, once again. Dun dun dun!!!
FILED UNDER: Style & Beauty, The Theory of Evolution of Boots | Permalink